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Heart Soil

Jesus talked about seeds (the Word of God) being sown in different soils and the resulting fruit, or lack thereof.  It is commonly called the Parable of the Sower and can be found in Matthew 13.  The rocky soil, the path (or compacted soil) and the soil full of thorns or weeds ended with the seed producing no fruit; either the seed never had the opportunity to grow or the young plant died.  The seed was the same in each case but the soil was the defining factor.  He was obviously using soil as a metaphor for the condition of our hearts in receiving or not receiving the Word of God.  

I have read or heard that parable for years, and wondered, “what soil was I?”.  I wanted to be the right soil but I wasn’t quite sure exactly what that looked like or how to produce it.  Was it just something you were or weren’t?  You know, just like genetics giving you your height, skin color, hair, health, athletic ability, etc? Did you just have a good “heart soil” or not? 

Greenhouses and farmers

I am a gardener and worked in greenhouses for 7 years.  In a greenhouse the soil is usually prepackaged with no weeds and sometimes isn’t really true soil, but a “growing medium”.  A growing medium is usually sphagnum peat moss, vermiculite, perlite, and maybe compost, coconut coir, wetting agents or other such things. This creates an environment that is easy for the plants to grow in since they are limited by their pot size and may be on a timed schedule.  But in the garden and on the farm you have real soil.  Soil can be rocky, dry, clay, lacking in humus (organic matter) and a host of other possible problems.  Making your soil better can be as easy as adding some bagged manure in a small garden but on a farm it can take a lot more time.  Your options can be adding manure if you can get your hands on enough of it, (for instance if you have a large livestock operation you run).  You can salvage what organic matter you have by plowing as little as possible.

Cover Crops are Made to Die

A time tested and time consuming way to improve your soil is to add a cover crop.  That crop grows and then you cut it and plow it under to let it die and improve your soil.  You do not get a harvest from your cover crop!  Its only purpose is to improve the soil for a future crop and harvest.  That may seem like a waste to put in all that effort in planting and fertilizing and waiting just to watch the crop die.  But the farmer who does it is hopeful and wise and patient.  He knows this strategy works and will reap him better harvests in the future. 

Fruitful

I have been reading a book by Beth Moore called “Chasing Vines” which illustrates the parallels between Viticulture and how God works in us to be fruitful.  Viticulture is the cultivation and harvesting of grapes which of course is very closely related to winemaking.  The bible is full of metaphors about vines and branches, wine and agriculture in reference to us as His people. In it she talks about soil as part of being fruitful.  Soil is made better by adding organic matter.  Organic material ultimately comes from dead material: dead plants, leaves, manure, microorganisms, insects, etc. She states that sometimes the dead things in our lives are meant to make our soil better so that we can be more fruitful.  Those dead things can be dreams, relationships, jobs, a loved one, expectations, almost anything that is lost and brings us pain.  It’s a sobering but hopeful thought.  

God is the Master Gardener

God is the master gardener and we are not in a greenhouse limited by the size of our pot.  We are in the real world and we have real soil and are lovingly unlimited.  Our roots can go as far as they please.  He prunes, He waters, gives sunshine and He plants seeds but He also improves the soil of our hearts.  Jesus said to take up our cross and follow Him (Matthew 16:24-26).  A cross is a symbol of death, death to ourselves, death to our will, our dreams, our selfishness and so on.  That death is the organic matter our roots are craving.  It’s the dead material that will be a source of nourishment that will ultimately produce fruit, a harvest in Him.  Would I prefer another way?  You better believe it!  But even the Father had to have His Son die to produce the harvest of us as his kids.  Life has suffering at times but to have that suffering made useful we have His hand use it for us to make our heart soil, good soil.  Good soil which receives the Word of God which produces a harvest.  

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Anxiety Driven Parenting is No Fun (COVID School)

I am an anxious person by nature.  My mind is always looking at the next thing I need to do and I always feel like I am in a rush, even if I really don’t need to be.  To say that that is exhausting and frustrating sometimes is an understatement.  It is only recently that I realized what an effect it was having on my parenting.  I was always rushed with the kids, not ever wanting to hang out or even really talk with them.  I was just focused on getting the next thing done, especially right now in this forced homeschooling because of the Covid pandemic.  

I appreciate how much work the kids’ teachers put into their lessons but it didn’t feel like I was homeschooling; just doing homework and meeting deadlines for 3 kids full time.  There is a huge difference between homeschooling your kids where you are in charge and making the curriculum decisions and doing homework the way someone else wants it done, when they want it done.  I can be good at meeting deadlines but it doesn’t bring out the lovey dovey mom but the get’er done now mom!  

The problem is me!

So long story short; this whole thing made me realize that the behavior issues I had with my kids were more about me than them.  I wasn’t taking the time to listen to them, to be with them.  I was just impatient and getting angry when they weren’t obeying me right away.  That might work out ok if I was running a business but a family is not a business.  Business Amanda away needed to be put away and I actually had to work on a relationship with my kids while somehow still getting them to get all this work done!  Which is no small feat for me since, truth be told, I can really have a one track mind!  So, what did I do?  I asked God for help, like I always do!  Save me from myself again, Lord!  Please?  

Basic Stuff

Well, it has not been some grand overnight change but I am gradually learning to adopt a better attitude.  The first thing I had to do was let go of my expectations.  We were not going to get all this wonderful homeschool style stuff done that I had planned for their time at home.  I might get to some of it but instead I chose to focus on the school’s outline.  If we have time, I do some of my stuff with the kids but I don’t get upset anymore if it doesn’t work out.  Next, I had to read my bible and pray some more.  I know… I know… its basic stuff we are told to do but honestly it’s made a huge difference.  Taking on this new challenge with my spiritual tank empty was setting myself up for failure.  Honestly, it’s like self care: You don’t do it and you end up with very little left to give to anyone else.  

The big one was I had to question my way of looking at my kids.  I was simply upset at their misbehaviour but making no attempt to get to the root of the issue.  Why were they were doing what they were doing?  What was their heart in this?  What needs were they trying to get met?  How was my attitude making this worse?  It’s a very tough thing to look at your parenting and admit you are failing in some area.  But the reality is that things don’t tend to get better until we face ourselves.  We need then, to seek Him who promises all wisdom and understanding to those who ask.  

So lately, I have been trying hard to refocus on being at peace.  Let the rush and anxiety go and just be.  Stopping to actually talk with my kids and not at them is huge and I have realized I was harder on some areas than I should have and too lax in others.  I’m working harder at being fair and to not hold a grudge against my own kids for past wrongs.  Shameful to admit, I know, but I had to stop just assuming the worst because of a pattern of behaviour that had developed that I didn’t like and choose to see good, to be positive and patient.  I am happy to report that pattern is beginning to break as I change my pattern of behaviour.  Really and truly the sins of us as parents are often born out of exhaustion, stress and fear.  And aren’t those the best tools in the enemy’s bag. 

Abide

So parents, the way to survive and thrive is to abide in Him.  We need to seek His wisdom, get our rest, let go of our fears and trust that He is faithful to do as He has promised.  Reevaluate your expectations.  Why are they important to you?  Are the motivations for your expectations really valid or what you want to be driving you?   The thing that I am learning is that peace and rest and stillness are accessible to me through Jesus even in the craziness of trying to Covid-school 3 kids.  My nature of anxiety can be overridden by Jesus’ nature of confident serenity.  

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Love Must Be Tough

Today I wanted to talk about difficult situations in marriage. How would God have us deal with things like adultery, abuse, or addictions? I believe that loving someone does not mean that we tolerate everything they do. Just as Jesus doesn’t leave us the way He found us, we should help those we love be better people. Sometimes that means we must hold them accountable. To do that I say, love must be tough.

One of the first things I need to say here is that I am not a feminist.  My husband is the head of our home and I am quite happy with that.  He is not perfect but I know and trust that he has the best in mind for each of us.  His intentions are good.  For some people they cannot say that about their spouse.  Some people are not able to trust that their spouse or relative or friend has their best in mind.  And that is where we are in this discussion today. 

Love Must Be Tough

Years ago, I read a book by James Dobson called “Love Must Be Tough”.  It is a book written for marriages in crisis due to extra-marital affairs, abuse, alcoholism, emotional indifference, etc.  It is aimed at the person who is wanting to save their marriage and family from destruction or divorce.  The take away that I most gleaned from this book at the time was that a confrontation with laid out consequences was what was most needed to save a marriage.  Playing nice and letting the spouse in sin do whatever they wanted was a recipe for a destruction in the long run. A confrontation may have a big blow up but produced better results for couples long term.  That’s why “Love Must Be Tough”. 

It takes courage, self respect, prayer and wise counsel to stand up to adultery, abuse, or sin.  Sometimes the most loving thing a person can do is to confront sin, to hold a person accountable for their actions.  Love sometimes needs to wake someone up and stop them from hurting themselves and the ones they love.  

Submission Theology

So, where does a wifely submission theology fit in here?  The thing is, is that the scriptures that people use to talk about submission spend more time talking about a husband loving his wife than it does about a wife submitting to her husband.  The passage also starts with telling spouses to submit to each other.   Is the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church if he is unfaithful, abusive or involved in dangerous behaviours, etc?

Ephesians 5:20-33 (NKJV)

20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

There are times when a person may feel caught between a rock and a hard place.  Do I submit to my husband and let things go, or do I confront (and be un-submissive) and stand up to his sin?  You may feel that either way, you would be in the wrong.  It is a no win situation!   The question here that I think is important is this, “Ultimately, who do you answer to?” Is it God or your husband? And remember your husband himself must answer to God!

I don’t want to assume that the abuser is always male but I felt the need to talk about submission. Statistically speaking, women are committing adultery as much or more than men in our culture at present. Abuse by women towards their spouses occurs but is less often reported. It is however, still an issue to the victim and to God even if it is not popular to talk about or address.

Enabling

What I am talking about here is enabling.  Putting on a good face for everyone and making the best of a bad situation while you’re dying inside because someone you love is making horrible choices is not a pathway to change.  Now don’t get me wrong here, God does perform miracles in people’s lives through our prayers.  But unfortunately, many people need to face the consequences of their actions and reach their rock bottom sometimes before real change occurs.  You can’t love a person into change, they have to want to change.  Generally speaking, people only change when they are uncomfortable enough with the situation they are in, that they are forced to do something about it. 

Matthew 18:15-17 instructs us as believer’s how to confront sin in our brother in Christ. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” I am not suggesting that we beat people over the head or shame them but confront in love. Galatians 6:1 states, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted”. The goal of restoration of family is important but our primary concern should be for their soul to be restored to right relationship to God and sin overcome in their life.

Seek The Face of God!!!

I am no counsellor and would never tell a person what to do in their personal lives. If you or someone you love is in a difficult place prayerfully consider what God would have you do. Seek help and wise counsel (preferably someone trained in the area of your need, like a counsellor, etc) and surround yourself with support. I myself would find this type of confrontation extremely difficult. I hate confrontation and generally do not handle it well. That is why I do not say these things lightly. I know that these situations are unpredictable and there is a chance things may not turn out the way we would hope. That is why it is so important to seek the face of God for direction in personal circumstances.

The Church and Abuse

I do feel we as Christians need to step back and look at how we deal with people who are victims of abuse, adultery, addictions, etc.  What are we telling them to do?  Are we putting the responsibility for saving a marriage, a family on the shoulders of those in sin or on those who are the victims of the sin?  I think we have been so focused on quick reconciliation and forgiveness that we may not protect or assist the vulnerable as we should. Jesus loves the victim and the perpetrator but He does not condone abuse and calls us to take care of the “widows and orphans”. This would ultimately include those hurt by the people who are called to love them the most. We do not want marriage to be an idol where we lift it above everything else God would want such as true repentance, justice for victims, stopping abuse, protecting children and the vulnerable, etc.

Some Resources

Sarah McDugal has co-written a book called “Safe Churches”. The book aims to assist and educate churches to better deal with abusive situations, biblically, legally, and responsibly. Her website also provides some great materials for women in crisis. Here is a link to her materials: www.wildernesstowild.com/members/posts. A couple of helpful thought provoking conversations I heard between Elizabeth Johnston and Sarah McDugal occurred on Elizabeth’s podcast. Please listen to this, it is so good. Here is the link for two of their conversations: elizabethjohnston.simplecast.com/episodes?fbclid=IwAR2USEP6yOGVAxELnLj34uCwSqmkDtuPy327C1AHGTVkNaFJeznJS-qfLkQ

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Highly Sensitive People: Empowering Apparent Weakness

Have you ever been told you were too sensitive?  Too emotionally sensitive? Too sensitive to your environment, such as lights, sounds, touch or even foods?  I have!  In our culture being sensitive is seen as a weakness.  Toughness and strength are what we aspire to embody.  But strength does not always appear in muscles, or emotional unaffectedness.  It can be much more than that.

I first learned about sensory issues when my child was diagnosed with Autism 8 years ago.  It became part of my education as a parent of a neuro-atypical child.  My son is sensitive to smell, tastes and textures, particularly when it comes to food.  For years he had a very limited diet and would literally vomit if he was given something new to try or smelled something strange.  He even puked in the school cafeteria a couple of times because another kid’s food bothered him.  I am happy to say he is able to eat almost anything now but it was definitely a journey to get here.  The thing that I didn’t expect was what I learned about me in all of this.

My Sensory Sensitivity

I had always had a great sense of smell and a sensitive palate that made me a picky eater as a kid.  Also, I have always been able to feel other people’s emotions and would find it hard to not be influenced by others’ moods.  Growing up in a rural area and having a quiet household with only 2 kids separated by 11 years, there was not a lot of sensory over arousal for me.  As I got older I realized that things that didn’t bother other people were a lot for me.  If my kids were really noisy, I had lots of errands to run or I had too many demands put on me at once I would get overwhelmed and frustrated.  My best tactic to return to normal was to get alone or even nap for a little to calm myself.  I hated this about myself!  Why couldn’t I just get it together like everyone else?  What was wrong with me?  I was easily overwhelmed and had 3 kids in just under 4 years.  My husband worked away from home a lot.  I just didn’t have time to feel like this!  

Gradually, I started to realize that I was extremely sensitive to sensory input.  I could see myself in my son and I could see sensitivity in my other children as well.  We were all like this to varying degrees.  It was a gradual understanding that developed as they grew and I became more self aware.  A  friend suggested a book called “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine N. Aron a few years back and I finally got around to reading it.  It was an eye opener. 

The Book That Helped Me Understand

Elaine N. Aron is a psychotherapist and a researcher.  “The Highly Sensitive Person” is a book based on her research and therapy experience.  This book is not a Christian book but I feel value in her educated perspective on the topic. She states that this sensitivity is inherited and is a trait that is not really a spectrum but that you either have it or you don’t.  Interestingly, about 20% of the population have this sensitivity and it is evenly spread between men and women.  Most HSPs as she calls them are introverts but there is a percentage that are extroverts as well, which is where myself and my 3 children present.  We are all extroverts but don’t do well with too much sensory arousal.  My kids are chatty, love playdates and people but will occasionally ask if we can go home now, stay home or do nothing.  

At the beginning of the book there is a self test for sensitivity.  Of the 23 questions, 20 of them indicated I was highly sensitive!  My children did the test and scored just slightly below my score.  Wow!  That was thought provoking!   One of the key ideas that Aron discusses is that your sensitivity is not a flaw but a gift in a lot of ways. 

Its Not A Flaw

“The Highly Sensitive Person” states that highly sensitive people simply process information they receive more carefully and notice more, they can be highly intuitive because of this.  “…Your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, highly intuitive artists, or inventors as well as more conscientious, cautious and wise people”, says Elaine Aron.  That was encouraging!  Aron says HSPs also tend to be very spiritual people. She states that they historically made up the priest/judge/advisor class in culture. This was an important role in the survival of aggressive cultures as it balanced the warriors and kings in decision making.

Aron states that in other cultures such as in Japan or China, being sensitive is not seen as a weakness but as a strength.  Not that I am planning on moving any time soon but it is comforting in some way.  

The book talks a lot about making allowances and understanding and taking care of your body and its inputs.  She discusses highly sensitive people in love, their vocations, dealing with childhood issues and health.    Personally, I feel like the book gave me greater insight in how to handle my own overwhelm and also how to better guide my children in their lives as well.  I am beginning to reframe my experience as being sensitive. I see it less as a fault I need to eliminate but as something that can benefit myself and others.  

God In All This

God knew what he was doing when he created me, my children and you.  He had an understanding of His plans for us and our future before He made us with our sensitivity. These characteristics make us see people, empathize with people and more able to hear or see God at work. We are thoughtful, analytical and able to feel what others cannot. There may be some drawbacks to our sensitivity in our loud and crazy world, but as Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time”. 

I believe what is weakness, either perceived or real, is an opportunity for God to work in us.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me”,  2 Corinthians 12:9.   We can embrace our abilities and boast in our weakness as we can show His strength in them, and therefore give God the glory. There is freedom in accepting who God made us to be. Understanding who we are enables us to better fulfill our duties and find the place we were meant to exist and influence our world for the better.

If you are interested in learning more here is a link to Elaine N. Aron’s website: https://hsperson.com/

Here is a link to her Highly Sensitive Person self test. http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

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Let Grace do the Work

After my last two posts talked about addictions ( Little Addictions (Sugar) and Little Addictions II (Social Media) ) and how we need to cling to Jesus to deal with our behaviours I wanted to write a post about God’s grace.  How we see ourselves and how we believe God sees us are very important to our daily practical lives, not just our spiritual lives  (because really our daily humdrum is spiritual). I didn’t want us all to focus so much on the work ahead of us that we forget that it’s already done in Jesus.  

Jesus Already Won the Fight

Jesus has set us free, he has won the fight with addiction or sin, whatever that may be.  We are simply walking out our faith.  We are running the race set out for us as Hebrews 12:1 says, “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith….”.  The thing we need to remember is that we are not running on our own strength, but Christ’s.  We are not ever given instruction by God and then left to our own devices to figure it out or do it alone.  As we “tap” into Jesus we are given what we need to keep going.  And sometimes keeping going means we are just standing, not even walking, but simply standing where we are.  

I don’t want you or I to get so upset with where we are failing that we take our eyes off of Jesus.  I admit I have done that a lot.  The way I have sometimes talked to myself in my own head is a way I would never think of talking to a friend.   That is just how the enemy of our soul likes it.  He doesn’t even have to do much to take us down if we are doing to ourselves.  We need to take those thoughts captive. The key to change this ugly situation is to focus not on my faults, my failures and mistakes (no matter how big or small) but to realize that not even God, the creator of the universe is looking at those things.  He is looking at a child he loves and he sees us cleansed as he has taken our sin from us.  

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father pities his children,

So the Lord pities those who fear Him.

For He knows our frames

He remembers that we are dust.

Psalm 103: 12

The Righteousness Plan was Jesus

A pastor I had in a church years ago preached about grace all the time.  Oftentimes, he admitted to repeating himself but he was determined to get this idea into our hearts and minds.   That idea was that we are the righteousness of God through Christ.  “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him,” 2 Corinthians 5:21.   When God looks at us he doesn’t see our sin the way we do.  Our Father sees us through the blood of Jesus that has washed away our sins.  God knew we could never be sinless, perfect.  He fully expected you and I were going to mess up and He had a plan to deal with it.  The plan was Jesus.  

Who Do I think I am?

The thing that I remind myself about may sound weird at first but stay with me here.  The reminder is this:  “How bad do I think I am, that the strength and mercy and power of God can’t deal with it?  Do I think I am stronger than God in my sin, that it can overpower His love?   Am I, the created, beyond the Creator’s ability to fix me?”   

If God Himself does not condemn me because of Jesus, who am I to argue?  HIs love and favour has never been something that I could earn.  It is a gift, an overwhelming gracious gift we could never repay.  And he knows it.  

Grace Changes Our Perspective

Operating from this truth changes the way we live.  We continue to work out our faith and do what needs to be done but we have a different energy and attitude about it.  We have already won!  Joy and faith is present in our personal struggles because our job is simply seeking of Him.  

 “Grace is God as heart surgeon, cracking open your chest, removing your heart—poisoned as it is with pride and pain—and replacing it with his own. Rather than tell you to change, he creates the change. Do you clean up so he can accept you? No, he accepts you and begins cleaning you up. His dream isn’t just to get you into heaven but to get heaven into you.”

― Max Lucado, Grace: More Than We Deserve, Greater Than We Imagine

Jesus accepts you and He begins cleaning you up. Believe me, I thank him for it! Nothing is as beautifully overwhelming as his love and unwarranted grace and favour.

Below is a link to Max Lucado book I mentioned above if interested.

https://www.christianbook.com/grace-more-than-deserve-greater-imagine/max-lucado/9780529117694/pd/911769?product_redirect=1&search_term=grace%20max%20&Ntt=911769&item_code=&ps_exit=PRODUCT&Ntk=keywords&event=ESRCP

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Little Addictions II (Social Media)

Ever open your computer to do something, only to find yourself an hour later on Facebook? You didn’t even do the thing you planned. Did your phone give you a weekly update of our screen time and you were shocked? Do you notice your distraction as you talk to your kids, your spouse or friend? Do you feel guilty about it? Me too!

In my last post called Little Addictions https://anewlifeeveryday.com/little-addictions/ I talked about my struggle with sugar consumption and I mentioned social media as an addiction.  The sugar may be a problem for my waistline and future health but social media is the devourer of my time and mental energy.  And to be completely honest, this has been harder to deal with.  

A Crutch

I admit that social media was a habit that came about originally as a way to deal with stress and to avoid difficult thoughts or feelings.  It was seemingly the only way I knew how to turn off my thoughts. And as someone who thinks a lot about things and is naturally anxious there were a lot of thoughts to deal with.  It was a coping mechanism to deal with difficult circumstances.  My go to time suckers were Facebook, Youtube and streaming television services.  I refused to even get Twitter, Instagram or Tik Tok because I knew I didn’t need another avenue to eat my time. 

The problem now is that the habit is formed and it is my go to once I am even slightly stressed or for no apparent reason at all.  The worst part is sometimes I log on and waste an hour or two without even thinking about it.  I simply open it without realizing what I am doing or that I am going to regret this in a bit.  When I look at my screen time for the day it hits me hard!  Did I really waste that much time?!  

Renewing Our Minds

There are two lessons here to be had.  Firstly, I need to run to Jesus and find my peace in him instead of using social media as an ultimately useless crutch.  Also, the renewing and training of my mind and my habits is obviously necessary.  God expects us to be productive and to work (paid or unpaid), not simply for our or our family’s provision or well being but also for his people and kingdom.  

I need to retrain my mind to stop and think before grabbing my phone or pulling up Facebook before doing that thing that I actually needed to do on my computer.  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”, Romans 12:2.

Heart Diligence

The bible talks a lot about renewing our minds and believe me I need it.  When I am filling my mind with God’s Word and clinging to his promises I am a much better me.  When I am watching entertaining short videos one after another I get impatient, I get irritated and easily angry.  I just don’t want to be bothered. I want to fall into this entertainment hole and escape. Unfortunately, it’s not the vacation kind of escape where you are left renewed or rested. It doesn’t feed my soul with anything that makes me a better person but actually the opposite.  I tell my kids that what goes in your ears and your eyes will be what comes out of your mouth and heart.  I need to remember that too. Guarding my heart needs to be a priority. Proverbs 4:23 says: “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life”.

Now after all that, I am not here to shame anyone who enjoys Social Media.  It can be very useful and has its place.  What I am saying is, “Where is its place in your life?”  Is it in its proper place, or is it taking over time that could be spent doing something that is productive, something that is a blessing to others or ourselves? Are we avoiding the issues of life or trying to fill a hole as with any other addiction?  Is it benefitting you or is it something you feel guilty about? Do you own it or does it own you?  2 Peter 2:19 says “… people are slaves to whatever controls them”.  Ouch!  I am a slave to Social Media and a cruel master she can be.  

Freedom

Jesus has set me free and I do not want to be a slave again!  So, what should I do?  Cling to Jesus because he is the answer to everything that ails our souls and binds our hearts and minds.  “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” Galatians 5:1.   Standing firm takes persistence and determination, a doggedness in our pursuit of Jesus. Seek to be changed and to find solutions and even healing to the reasons why we make unwise choices to begin with. I think as Christians we need to find out why we do what we do, so we can begin to steer ourselves to Jesus to meet our needs and fill our souls. Condemning ourselves won’t help, but realizing our need and our problem is the first step.

I just bought a book called “40 Day Social Media Fast” by Wendy Speake and I look forward to reading it and fasting. Speake’s book “The 40 Day Sugar Fast” was really helpful and eye opening. I am planning on doing the Social Media Fast and I will let you all know how it goes when I have completed it. Below us a link to Wendy Speake’s website.

https://www.wendyspeake.com/social-media

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Little Addictions (Sugar)

I have a confession to make!  I am addicted to Social Media and Sugar!  Surely, I am not the only one but I am finding it to be more of hindrance the longer it goes on.  People may think, “oh well, that’s common” or “no big deal” but it’s really becoming a big deal as it saps my time and my energy and feeds a self loathing that paralyzes.  I know it’s not an addiction that is going to kill me like hard drugs or severe alcoholism with a rock bottom sad story (unless you count the fact that sugar feeds cancer cells, causes diabetes and is the biggest factor in the obesity crisis) but it is sucking away my joy and my dreams.  

I am, and probably have always been an emotional eater.  Chocolate and home baked goods are my chosen poison and I am a great baker, if I do say so myself.  That afternoon energy dip, that stressful situation, PMS, bad night’s sleep or even that celebration are all reasons to eat something delicious and insulin spiking.  I have tried different sugar alternatives and found most of them wanting in taste or just plain disgusting.  I know you can change your taste buds and it’s all about what you get used to but I am not up for weird after tastes.  

Of course with that inability, or perhaps determination, to not change comes the extra weight.  I did my BMI (body mass index) measurement the other day and was disappointed and embarrassed to say I am considered obese.  Overweight, yes.  But Obese, that was a surprise!  I know people can say it’s not an accurate assessment and all that jazz but it really was a bit of a “Wow” moment for me.  

Vanishing Excuses

In the past I could use lack of time, lack of energy, little kids, etc. as an excuse.  But I have more time than ever now that my kids are back in school, my energy levels are up from some improvements to my health and my youngest is nearly 10!  My excuses are all dried up and the real reason is all “up in my face”.  The problem is me!  The problem has always been me!  Of course those reasons made things harder of course but if I really had wanted it maybe I would have done it.  

This year I turned 40.  I have begun to think about the future and my and my husband’s health a little more.  I want us to be active, healthy and our midlife and later years to be without one health problem or another. No one wants to feel as though they are a burden to their spouse or their kids, but a blessing instead.  

So, saying all this means I have to do something.  Honestly, I feel like a kid kicking and screaming being dragged away from something I love.  I remember when I was young and exercise was easy.  It is not easy anymore, I am shamefully out of shape.  Walking up a flight of stairs is breathtaking!  Literally!  But then this quote I saw on Facebook the other day really stood out to me.  

Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.

Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.

-Sean H

Choosing the Right Hard

So, being overweight and unhealthy is hard but so is being fit,  What am I going to choose?  Obviously, the wise choice would be to get fit.  I need to learn how to control my desire for the quick pleasurable hit of sugar for the lasting benefit of my health.  Not a fad diet but a lifestyle change.  I need to consistently make the right choices, day in and day out.  From my point of view, that is very simple but very hard .  I am not one to be considered very self disciplined!  I am in battle with, (and find myself angry at) myself on a regular basis for my constant distraction and inconsistency.  External motivation gets my mojo going but my internal motivation is the pits.  My only hope is Jesus!  I am so thankful I was raised in a Godly family and was too scared for any risky types of behaviour as I might have ended up a drug addict had I experimented.    

Abundant Life

We as Christians have all heard that the body is a temple (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) but the thing that gets me in my conscience is all the things I won’t be able to do if I am unhealthy and sick.  I can’t be the mom, wife, daughter, community member and hopefully someday, nanny (grandma to most of you) that God has called me to be.  God wants us to have full and awesome lives as John 10:10 says, “I have come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly”. Sure, Jesus heals but wouldn’t it be better to avoid sickness in the first place?!  Isn’t that just being a good steward of what he has given us? 

I don’t know about you, but I really need a deeper closeness with Jesus to make those good choices, day in and day out.  Instead of emotionally eating, I need to bring my emotions to Jesus for soothing. He is better than the sugar high and crash of chocolate any day. I realize I cannot and will probably never be able to do it alone.  That is the beauty of his presence in our lives.  He is always, always, always there and as we walk in the Spirit we will not fulfill the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).

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Laughter in Pain: My New Beginning

I remember very clearly a moment that began a shift in me that occurred about 3 months after my first husband left me.  I was devastated, carrying this immense pain everywhere I went but this instant began a huge change in the outlook I had for my life.  My kids and I were at a Harvest Party, they were all in costume and there were lots of carnival games, candy and food.  They were having a great time but I was a walking bleeding heart.  Surprisingly, something one of my boys did made me laugh.  I don’t even remember what it was, but it struck me as so funny and I had this hearty, real laugh that I hadn’t had in months.  I caught myself, shocked at my own reaction!  How was I laughing when I was in such pain, when my entire personal world was a disaster? Then slowly something dawned on me.  I could laugh again, life could go on and someday, maybe someday sooner than I thought, life could be good. 

The Choice

Then Christmas came and I was a wreck, putting on a face for my children. After the presents were all unwrapped I slunk back to my bedroom to cry while my lovely parents cooked a turkey.  I bawled and asked God “why?” again, for the 1500th time.  Unexpectedly, I felt this idea spring up in my little heart.  I could mourn the life I lost forever or I could choose to move on, to begin again.  So, Christmas Day, I made the choice for new life, a new beginning.  I wasn’t going to be stuck looking back anymore or moaning about how it wasn’t supposed to be this way or how unfair it all was!  I was going to rebuild myself and my life, with God’s help. 

The New Beginning

And rebuild we did, Jesus and I.  I am healthier, and happier and more content than I have ever been.  I am now newly married to my wonderful, supportive husband Ralph and life is good. Have I arrived?  Not by a long shot!  But I am not standing still, I am growing and determined to grow some more again.  As long as there is breath in me I want to be getting better.  And I hope you will join me.  Let’s have a new beginning right now, today and make this journey amazing!  Let’s run our race of life on purpose, with meaning.  Why not push each other forward a bit while we’re at it?