Category: Christian Life

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Highly Sensitive People: Empowering Apparent Weakness

Have you ever been told you were too sensitive?  Too emotionally sensitive? Too sensitive to your environment, such as lights, sounds, touch or even foods?  I have!  In our culture being sensitive is seen as a weakness.  Toughness and strength are what we aspire to embody.  But strength does not always appear in muscles, or emotional unaffectedness.  It can be much more than that.

I first learned about sensory issues when my child was diagnosed with Autism 8 years ago.  It became part of my education as a parent of a neuro-atypical child.  My son is sensitive to smell, tastes and textures, particularly when it comes to food.  For years he had a very limited diet and would literally vomit if he was given something new to try or smelled something strange.  He even puked in the school cafeteria a couple of times because another kid’s food bothered him.  I am happy to say he is able to eat almost anything now but it was definitely a journey to get here.  The thing that I didn’t expect was what I learned about me in all of this.

My Sensory Sensitivity

I had always had a great sense of smell and a sensitive palate that made me a picky eater as a kid.  Also, I have always been able to feel other people’s emotions and would find it hard to not be influenced by others’ moods.  Growing up in a rural area and having a quiet household with only 2 kids separated by 11 years, there was not a lot of sensory over arousal for me.  As I got older I realized that things that didn’t bother other people were a lot for me.  If my kids were really noisy, I had lots of errands to run or I had too many demands put on me at once I would get overwhelmed and frustrated.  My best tactic to return to normal was to get alone or even nap for a little to calm myself.  I hated this about myself!  Why couldn’t I just get it together like everyone else?  What was wrong with me?  I was easily overwhelmed and had 3 kids in just under 4 years.  My husband worked away from home a lot.  I just didn’t have time to feel like this!  

Gradually, I started to realize that I was extremely sensitive to sensory input.  I could see myself in my son and I could see sensitivity in my other children as well.  We were all like this to varying degrees.  It was a gradual understanding that developed as they grew and I became more self aware.  A  friend suggested a book called “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine N. Aron a few years back and I finally got around to reading it.  It was an eye opener. 

The Book That Helped Me Understand

Elaine N. Aron is a psychotherapist and a researcher.  “The Highly Sensitive Person” is a book based on her research and therapy experience.  This book is not a Christian book but I feel value in her educated perspective on the topic. She states that this sensitivity is inherited and is a trait that is not really a spectrum but that you either have it or you don’t.  Interestingly, about 20% of the population have this sensitivity and it is evenly spread between men and women.  Most HSPs as she calls them are introverts but there is a percentage that are extroverts as well, which is where myself and my 3 children present.  We are all extroverts but don’t do well with too much sensory arousal.  My kids are chatty, love playdates and people but will occasionally ask if we can go home now, stay home or do nothing.  

At the beginning of the book there is a self test for sensitivity.  Of the 23 questions, 20 of them indicated I was highly sensitive!  My children did the test and scored just slightly below my score.  Wow!  That was thought provoking!   One of the key ideas that Aron discusses is that your sensitivity is not a flaw but a gift in a lot of ways. 

Its Not A Flaw

“The Highly Sensitive Person” states that highly sensitive people simply process information they receive more carefully and notice more, they can be highly intuitive because of this.  “…Your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, highly intuitive artists, or inventors as well as more conscientious, cautious and wise people”, says Elaine Aron.  That was encouraging!  Aron says HSPs also tend to be very spiritual people. She states that they historically made up the priest/judge/advisor class in culture. This was an important role in the survival of aggressive cultures as it balanced the warriors and kings in decision making.

Aron states that in other cultures such as in Japan or China, being sensitive is not seen as a weakness but as a strength.  Not that I am planning on moving any time soon but it is comforting in some way.  

The book talks a lot about making allowances and understanding and taking care of your body and its inputs.  She discusses highly sensitive people in love, their vocations, dealing with childhood issues and health.    Personally, I feel like the book gave me greater insight in how to handle my own overwhelm and also how to better guide my children in their lives as well.  I am beginning to reframe my experience as being sensitive. I see it less as a fault I need to eliminate but as something that can benefit myself and others.  

God In All This

God knew what he was doing when he created me, my children and you.  He had an understanding of His plans for us and our future before He made us with our sensitivity. These characteristics make us see people, empathize with people and more able to hear or see God at work. We are thoughtful, analytical and able to feel what others cannot. There may be some drawbacks to our sensitivity in our loud and crazy world, but as Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time”. 

I believe what is weakness, either perceived or real, is an opportunity for God to work in us.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me”,  2 Corinthians 12:9.   We can embrace our abilities and boast in our weakness as we can show His strength in them, and therefore give God the glory. There is freedom in accepting who God made us to be. Understanding who we are enables us to better fulfill our duties and find the place we were meant to exist and influence our world for the better.

If you are interested in learning more here is a link to Elaine N. Aron’s website: https://hsperson.com/

Here is a link to her Highly Sensitive Person self test. http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

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Little Addictions II (Social Media)

Ever open your computer to do something, only to find yourself an hour later on Facebook? You didn’t even do the thing you planned. Did your phone give you a weekly update of our screen time and you were shocked? Do you notice your distraction as you talk to your kids, your spouse or friend? Do you feel guilty about it? Me too!

In my last post called Little Addictions https://anewlifeeveryday.com/little-addictions/ I talked about my struggle with sugar consumption and I mentioned social media as an addiction.  The sugar may be a problem for my waistline and future health but social media is the devourer of my time and mental energy.  And to be completely honest, this has been harder to deal with.  

A Crutch

I admit that social media was a habit that came about originally as a way to deal with stress and to avoid difficult thoughts or feelings.  It was seemingly the only way I knew how to turn off my thoughts. And as someone who thinks a lot about things and is naturally anxious there were a lot of thoughts to deal with.  It was a coping mechanism to deal with difficult circumstances.  My go to time suckers were Facebook, Youtube and streaming television services.  I refused to even get Twitter, Instagram or Tik Tok because I knew I didn’t need another avenue to eat my time. 

The problem now is that the habit is formed and it is my go to once I am even slightly stressed or for no apparent reason at all.  The worst part is sometimes I log on and waste an hour or two without even thinking about it.  I simply open it without realizing what I am doing or that I am going to regret this in a bit.  When I look at my screen time for the day it hits me hard!  Did I really waste that much time?!  

Renewing Our Minds

There are two lessons here to be had.  Firstly, I need to run to Jesus and find my peace in him instead of using social media as an ultimately useless crutch.  Also, the renewing and training of my mind and my habits is obviously necessary.  God expects us to be productive and to work (paid or unpaid), not simply for our or our family’s provision or well being but also for his people and kingdom.  

I need to retrain my mind to stop and think before grabbing my phone or pulling up Facebook before doing that thing that I actually needed to do on my computer.  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”, Romans 12:2.

Heart Diligence

The bible talks a lot about renewing our minds and believe me I need it.  When I am filling my mind with God’s Word and clinging to his promises I am a much better me.  When I am watching entertaining short videos one after another I get impatient, I get irritated and easily angry.  I just don’t want to be bothered. I want to fall into this entertainment hole and escape. Unfortunately, it’s not the vacation kind of escape where you are left renewed or rested. It doesn’t feed my soul with anything that makes me a better person but actually the opposite.  I tell my kids that what goes in your ears and your eyes will be what comes out of your mouth and heart.  I need to remember that too. Guarding my heart needs to be a priority. Proverbs 4:23 says: “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life”.

Now after all that, I am not here to shame anyone who enjoys Social Media.  It can be very useful and has its place.  What I am saying is, “Where is its place in your life?”  Is it in its proper place, or is it taking over time that could be spent doing something that is productive, something that is a blessing to others or ourselves? Are we avoiding the issues of life or trying to fill a hole as with any other addiction?  Is it benefitting you or is it something you feel guilty about? Do you own it or does it own you?  2 Peter 2:19 says “… people are slaves to whatever controls them”.  Ouch!  I am a slave to Social Media and a cruel master she can be.  

Freedom

Jesus has set me free and I do not want to be a slave again!  So, what should I do?  Cling to Jesus because he is the answer to everything that ails our souls and binds our hearts and minds.  “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” Galatians 5:1.   Standing firm takes persistence and determination, a doggedness in our pursuit of Jesus. Seek to be changed and to find solutions and even healing to the reasons why we make unwise choices to begin with. I think as Christians we need to find out why we do what we do, so we can begin to steer ourselves to Jesus to meet our needs and fill our souls. Condemning ourselves won’t help, but realizing our need and our problem is the first step.

I just bought a book called “40 Day Social Media Fast” by Wendy Speake and I look forward to reading it and fasting. Speake’s book “The 40 Day Sugar Fast” was really helpful and eye opening. I am planning on doing the Social Media Fast and I will let you all know how it goes when I have completed it. Below us a link to Wendy Speake’s website.

https://www.wendyspeake.com/social-media

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Little Addictions (Sugar)

I have a confession to make!  I am addicted to Social Media and Sugar!  Surely, I am not the only one but I am finding it to be more of hindrance the longer it goes on.  People may think, “oh well, that’s common” or “no big deal” but it’s really becoming a big deal as it saps my time and my energy and feeds a self loathing that paralyzes.  I know it’s not an addiction that is going to kill me like hard drugs or severe alcoholism with a rock bottom sad story (unless you count the fact that sugar feeds cancer cells, causes diabetes and is the biggest factor in the obesity crisis) but it is sucking away my joy and my dreams.  

I am, and probably have always been an emotional eater.  Chocolate and home baked goods are my chosen poison and I am a great baker, if I do say so myself.  That afternoon energy dip, that stressful situation, PMS, bad night’s sleep or even that celebration are all reasons to eat something delicious and insulin spiking.  I have tried different sugar alternatives and found most of them wanting in taste or just plain disgusting.  I know you can change your taste buds and it’s all about what you get used to but I am not up for weird after tastes.  

Of course with that inability, or perhaps determination, to not change comes the extra weight.  I did my BMI (body mass index) measurement the other day and was disappointed and embarrassed to say I am considered obese.  Overweight, yes.  But Obese, that was a surprise!  I know people can say it’s not an accurate assessment and all that jazz but it really was a bit of a “Wow” moment for me.  

Vanishing Excuses

In the past I could use lack of time, lack of energy, little kids, etc. as an excuse.  But I have more time than ever now that my kids are back in school, my energy levels are up from some improvements to my health and my youngest is nearly 10!  My excuses are all dried up and the real reason is all “up in my face”.  The problem is me!  The problem has always been me!  Of course those reasons made things harder of course but if I really had wanted it maybe I would have done it.  

This year I turned 40.  I have begun to think about the future and my and my husband’s health a little more.  I want us to be active, healthy and our midlife and later years to be without one health problem or another. No one wants to feel as though they are a burden to their spouse or their kids, but a blessing instead.  

So, saying all this means I have to do something.  Honestly, I feel like a kid kicking and screaming being dragged away from something I love.  I remember when I was young and exercise was easy.  It is not easy anymore, I am shamefully out of shape.  Walking up a flight of stairs is breathtaking!  Literally!  But then this quote I saw on Facebook the other day really stood out to me.  

Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.

Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.

-Sean H

Choosing the Right Hard

So, being overweight and unhealthy is hard but so is being fit,  What am I going to choose?  Obviously, the wise choice would be to get fit.  I need to learn how to control my desire for the quick pleasurable hit of sugar for the lasting benefit of my health.  Not a fad diet but a lifestyle change.  I need to consistently make the right choices, day in and day out.  From my point of view, that is very simple but very hard .  I am not one to be considered very self disciplined!  I am in battle with, (and find myself angry at) myself on a regular basis for my constant distraction and inconsistency.  External motivation gets my mojo going but my internal motivation is the pits.  My only hope is Jesus!  I am so thankful I was raised in a Godly family and was too scared for any risky types of behaviour as I might have ended up a drug addict had I experimented.    

Abundant Life

We as Christians have all heard that the body is a temple (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) but the thing that gets me in my conscience is all the things I won’t be able to do if I am unhealthy and sick.  I can’t be the mom, wife, daughter, community member and hopefully someday, nanny (grandma to most of you) that God has called me to be.  God wants us to have full and awesome lives as John 10:10 says, “I have come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly”. Sure, Jesus heals but wouldn’t it be better to avoid sickness in the first place?!  Isn’t that just being a good steward of what he has given us? 

I don’t know about you, but I really need a deeper closeness with Jesus to make those good choices, day in and day out.  Instead of emotionally eating, I need to bring my emotions to Jesus for soothing. He is better than the sugar high and crash of chocolate any day. I realize I cannot and will probably never be able to do it alone.  That is the beauty of his presence in our lives.  He is always, always, always there and as we walk in the Spirit we will not fulfill the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).

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Heart Soil

Jesus talked about seeds (the Word of God) being sown in different soils and the resulting fruit, or lack thereof.  It is commonly called the Parable of the Sower and can be found in Matthew 13.  The rocky soil, the path (or compacted soil) and the soil full of thorns or weeds ended with the seed producing no fruit; either the seed never had the opportunity to grow or the young plant died.  The seed was the same in each case but the soil was the defining factor.  He was obviously using soil as a metaphor for the condition of our hearts in receiving or not receiving the Word of God.  

I have read or heard that parable for years, and wondered, “what soil was I?”.  I wanted to be the right soil but I wasn’t quite sure exactly what that looked like or how to produce it.  Was it just something you were or weren’t?  You know, just like genetics giving you your height, skin color, hair, health, athletic ability, etc? Did you just have a good “heart soil” or not? 

Greenhouses and farmers

I am a gardener and worked in greenhouses for 7 years.  In a greenhouse the soil is usually prepackaged with no weeds and sometimes isn’t really true soil, but a “growing medium”.  A growing medium is usually sphagnum peat moss, vermiculite, perlite, and maybe compost, coconut coir, wetting agents or other such things. This creates an environment that is easy for the plants to grow in since they are limited by their pot size and may be on a timed schedule.  But in the garden and on the farm you have real soil.  Soil can be rocky, dry, clay, lacking in humus (organic matter) and a host of other possible problems.  Making your soil better can be as easy as adding some bagged manure in a small garden but on a farm it can take a lot more time.  Your options can be adding manure if you can get your hands on enough of it, (for instance if you have a large livestock operation you run).  You can salvage what organic matter you have by plowing as little as possible.

Cover Crops are Made to Die

A time tested and time consuming way to improve your soil is to add a cover crop.  That crop grows and then you cut it and plow it under to let it die and improve your soil.  You do not get a harvest from your cover crop!  Its only purpose is to improve the soil for a future crop and harvest.  That may seem like a waste to put in all that effort in planting and fertilizing and waiting just to watch the crop die.  But the farmer who does it is hopeful and wise and patient.  He knows this strategy works and will reap him better harvests in the future. 

Fruitful

I have been reading a book by Beth Moore called “Chasing Vines” which illustrates the parallels between Viticulture and how God works in us to be fruitful.  Viticulture is the cultivation and harvesting of grapes which of course is very closely related to winemaking.  The bible is full of metaphors about vines and branches, wine and agriculture in reference to us as His people. In it she talks about soil as part of being fruitful.  Soil is made better by adding organic matter.  Organic material ultimately comes from dead material: dead plants, leaves, manure, microorganisms, insects, etc. She states that sometimes the dead things in our lives are meant to make our soil better so that we can be more fruitful.  Those dead things can be dreams, relationships, jobs, a loved one, expectations, almost anything that is lost and brings us pain.  It’s a sobering but hopeful thought.  

God is the Master Gardener

God is the master gardener and we are not in a greenhouse limited by the size of our pot.  We are in the real world and we have real soil and are lovingly unlimited.  Our roots can go as far as they please.  He prunes, He waters, gives sunshine and He plants seeds but He also improves the soil of our hearts.  Jesus said to take up our cross and follow Him (Matthew 16:24-26).  A cross is a symbol of death, death to ourselves, death to our will, our dreams, our selfishness and so on.  That death is the organic matter our roots are craving.  It’s the dead material that will be a source of nourishment that will ultimately produce fruit, a harvest in Him.  Would I prefer another way?  You better believe it!  But even the Father had to have His Son die to produce the harvest of us as his kids.  Life has suffering at times but to have that suffering made useful we have His hand use it for us to make our heart soil, good soil.  Good soil which receives the Word of God which produces a harvest.