Highly Sensitive People: Empowering Apparent Weakness

Have you ever been told you were too sensitive?  Too emotionally sensitive? Too sensitive to your environment, such as lights, sounds, touch or even foods?  I have!  In our culture being sensitive is seen as a weakness.  Toughness and strength are what we aspire to embody.  But strength does not always appear in muscles, or emotional unaffectedness.  It can be much more than that.

I first learned about sensory issues when my child was diagnosed with Autism 8 years ago.  It became part of my education as a parent of a neuro-atypical child.  My son is sensitive to smell, tastes and textures, particularly when it comes to food.  For years he had a very limited diet and would literally vomit if he was given something new to try or smelled something strange.  He even puked in the school cafeteria a couple of times because another kid’s food bothered him.  I am happy to say he is able to eat almost anything now but it was definitely a journey to get here.  The thing that I didn’t expect was what I learned about me in all of this.

My Sensory Sensitivity

I had always had a great sense of smell and a sensitive palate that made me a picky eater as a kid.  Also, I have always been able to feel other people’s emotions and would find it hard to not be influenced by others’ moods.  Growing up in a rural area and having a quiet household with only 2 kids separated by 11 years, there was not a lot of sensory over arousal for me.  As I got older I realized that things that didn’t bother other people were a lot for me.  If my kids were really noisy, I had lots of errands to run or I had too many demands put on me at once I would get overwhelmed and frustrated.  My best tactic to return to normal was to get alone or even nap for a little to calm myself.  I hated this about myself!  Why couldn’t I just get it together like everyone else?  What was wrong with me?  I was easily overwhelmed and had 3 kids in just under 4 years.  My husband worked away from home a lot.  I just didn’t have time to feel like this!  

Gradually, I started to realize that I was extremely sensitive to sensory input.  I could see myself in my son and I could see sensitivity in my other children as well.  We were all like this to varying degrees.  It was a gradual understanding that developed as they grew and I became more self aware.  A  friend suggested a book called “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine N. Aron a few years back and I finally got around to reading it.  It was an eye opener. 

The Book That Helped Me Understand

Elaine N. Aron is a psychotherapist and a researcher.  “The Highly Sensitive Person” is a book based on her research and therapy experience.  This book is not a Christian book but I feel value in her educated perspective on the topic. She states that this sensitivity is inherited and is a trait that is not really a spectrum but that you either have it or you don’t.  Interestingly, about 20% of the population have this sensitivity and it is evenly spread between men and women.  Most HSPs as she calls them are introverts but there is a percentage that are extroverts as well, which is where myself and my 3 children present.  We are all extroverts but don’t do well with too much sensory arousal.  My kids are chatty, love playdates and people but will occasionally ask if we can go home now, stay home or do nothing.  

At the beginning of the book there is a self test for sensitivity.  Of the 23 questions, 20 of them indicated I was highly sensitive!  My children did the test and scored just slightly below my score.  Wow!  That was thought provoking!   One of the key ideas that Aron discusses is that your sensitivity is not a flaw but a gift in a lot of ways. 

Its Not A Flaw

“The Highly Sensitive Person” states that highly sensitive people simply process information they receive more carefully and notice more, they can be highly intuitive because of this.  “…Your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, highly intuitive artists, or inventors as well as more conscientious, cautious and wise people”, says Elaine Aron.  That was encouraging!  Aron says HSPs also tend to be very spiritual people. She states that they historically made up the priest/judge/advisor class in culture. This was an important role in the survival of aggressive cultures as it balanced the warriors and kings in decision making.

Aron states that in other cultures such as in Japan or China, being sensitive is not seen as a weakness but as a strength.  Not that I am planning on moving any time soon but it is comforting in some way.  

The book talks a lot about making allowances and understanding and taking care of your body and its inputs.  She discusses highly sensitive people in love, their vocations, dealing with childhood issues and health.    Personally, I feel like the book gave me greater insight in how to handle my own overwhelm and also how to better guide my children in their lives as well.  I am beginning to reframe my experience as being sensitive. I see it less as a fault I need to eliminate but as something that can benefit myself and others.  

God In All This

God knew what he was doing when he created me, my children and you.  He had an understanding of His plans for us and our future before He made us with our sensitivity. These characteristics make us see people, empathize with people and more able to hear or see God at work. We are thoughtful, analytical and able to feel what others cannot. There may be some drawbacks to our sensitivity in our loud and crazy world, but as Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time”. 

I believe what is weakness, either perceived or real, is an opportunity for God to work in us.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me”,  2 Corinthians 12:9.   We can embrace our abilities and boast in our weakness as we can show His strength in them, and therefore give God the glory. There is freedom in accepting who God made us to be. Understanding who we are enables us to better fulfill our duties and find the place we were meant to exist and influence our world for the better.

If you are interested in learning more here is a link to Elaine N. Aron’s website: https://hsperson.com/

Here is a link to her Highly Sensitive Person self test. http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/