Laughter in Pain: My New Beginning

I remember very clearly a moment that began a shift in me that occurred about 3 months after my first husband left me.  I was devastated, carrying this immense pain everywhere I went but this instant began a huge change in the outlook I had for my life.  My kids and I were at a Harvest Party, they were all in costume and there were lots of carnival games, candy and food.  They were having a great time but I was a walking bleeding heart.  Surprisingly, something one of my boys did made me laugh.  I don’t even remember what it was, but it struck me as so funny and I had this hearty, real laugh that I hadn’t had in months.  I caught myself, shocked at my own reaction!  How was I laughing when I was in such pain, when my entire personal world was a disaster? Then slowly something dawned on me.  I could laugh again, life could go on and someday, maybe someday sooner than I thought, life could be good. 

The Choice

Then Christmas came and I was a wreck, putting on a face for my children. After the presents were all unwrapped I slunk back to my bedroom to cry while my lovely parents cooked a turkey.  I bawled and asked God “why?” again, for the 1500th time.  Unexpectedly, I felt this idea spring up in my little heart.  I could mourn the life I lost forever or I could choose to move on, to begin again.  So, Christmas Day, I made the choice for new life, a new beginning.  I wasn’t going to be stuck looking back anymore or moaning about how it wasn’t supposed to be this way or how unfair it all was!  I was going to rebuild myself and my life, with God’s help. 

The New Beginning

And rebuild we did, Jesus and I.  I am healthier, and happier and more content than I have ever been.  I am now newly married to my wonderful, supportive husband Ralph and life is good. Have I arrived?  Not by a long shot!  But I am not standing still, I am growing and determined to grow some more again.  As long as there is breath in me I want to be getting better.  And I hope you will join me.  Let’s have a new beginning right now, today and make this journey amazing!  Let’s run our race of life on purpose, with meaning.  Why not push each other forward a bit while we’re at it?